Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Wear green, or leaf.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”
Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”
What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Green glass globes glow greenly.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.