A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
What did the art teacher say to the aspiring actress? You sure look the art.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
I love you deerly.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
Are you a lightbulb? Because you turn me on.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
What do you call a chameleon that can't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.