So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
"You can't sip with us."
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
We bee-long together.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
You’re wine in a million.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam