What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.