What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.