What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.