Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.