What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.