What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.