What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.