What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.