What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”