How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.