How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.