My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.