Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.