The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Whatever floats your goat.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.