What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.