What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”