Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!