What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.