What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!