What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.