What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.