Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.