Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.