What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Goat milk?
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.