Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
You have goat to be kidding me.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!