What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.