What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!