How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.