I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.