Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex