There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.