What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?