Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo