Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder