Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.