It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.