How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.