I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.