How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.