Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
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