I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
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