New electric trains will run on conductors.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
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