I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
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