Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
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