I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
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