I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
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