I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
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