What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
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