I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
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