Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
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