What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
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