Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
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