Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
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