I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
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