Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
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