Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
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