What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
All farts...are laughing gas.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
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