What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Go to BabaMail
