My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
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