Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
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