A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
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