I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
Friend of mine got sacked as a set designer for not producing anything. He didn't make a scene.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
I wonder why theatres are so sad? They're always dark, moody, and in tiers.
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink
*No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the movie theatre*
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
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