What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
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