Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
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