Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
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